This multi-article edition of More Awesome Dot Net will analyze the race for GOTY 2011. We will give you the buzz from industry shills, as well as our own views on the contenders, straight from our own more refined palettes.
This first installment will be focusing on the games released from January 2011 to May 31st, 2011.
We will also be bringing to you the odds for each game taking the trophy home, both here ("House Odds") and within the greater field of game journalism ("Vegas Odds").
Keep in mind that nothing is a sure bet! Everyone expected Metal Gear Solid 2 to clean up the year it released, until a (then) little-known company called Rockstar Games dropped something called Grand Theft Auto 3. Maybe Rage will get pushed to 2012. Maybe Deus Ex will suck. Maybe Tomb Raider will make Uncharted 3 look like Tomb Raider. Anything's possible.
Without further delay...
LA Noire
Critics Say: Rockstar has the critics by the balls re: early GTA V access, so no site that wants to remain a profitable business dares say one word against their newest opus.
We Say: Luckily for you, our ink is as red as this site's trim color, so we have no problem telling you that LA Noire is a rare, absolute misfire from one of gaming's finest companies. The reason being that Rockstar
published LA Noire after Sony ditched it (it was once supposed to be exclusive), but the game itself was developed by Team Bondi and Brendan McNamara, one of gaming's most incompetent artputzes. In development hell for 7 years, Brendan knew he had to do something to get this steaming pile to recoup its expenses. The solution? Slap a R* logo on the front. Alas, the strategy has seemed to work.
Vegas Odds: The critics love to hold up games like this as examples of what the medium can do, because they think that by showing off just how non-game a game can be, they're making the case for games to non-gamers. It's as idiotic as it sounds, yes, but LA Noire will undoubtedly pull down several nominations for GOTY, and maybe even win a few of them.
House Odds: We'll close shop and burn the fucker down before we put this one on top. (Unless Rockstar would like to embark on a very, very generous
bribe advertising campaign.)
Portal 2
Critics Say: It's fantastic, but not as fantastic as Portal 1! It's funny, but not as funny as Portal 1! It will
polish your knob, but Portal 1 swallowed whereas Portal 2 will need use of a spittoon! Speaking of knob polish, maybe if we keep at it, Gabe Newell (
a legitimately amazing human being, for those keeping score at home) might give us a peek at Half Life 3. Please?
We Say: Whenever a game comes along that has moderately funny writing and panders to the tired tendency of geek "culture" to attach itself to glorified memes, critics can't help but wet themselves. Portal was a nice, 4 hour part of a much bigger package. It was what it was, but it was good for what it was. For the sequel, Valve is charging full admission.
To date, we have not finished the game. We got roughly halfway through, then we decided it was time for a break. (In Portal 1, this would have been the end of the game, as GAWD intended)
From what we did play, Portal 2, like the game before it, is a finely enough crafted piece of entertainment (not GOTY stuff), whose reputation is doomed to be besmirched by its annoying, slobbering fanbase of half-brained eccentrics living in their parents' basements until well past the time that prostate exams become a mandatory part of each new year. In this way, Portal 2 is basically Libertarianism made game.
Vegas Odds: Decent. Definite nominations across the board, with a few of the I'm-so-much-more-refined-at-being-a-geek-than-you slogs giving it the top nod.
To understand why Portal 2 may very well get to "fuck way outside its weight class" (thanks Doug "funniest comedian working today" Stanhope), you have to first understand what a sad, lonely sack of crap your average self-identified gamer is.
Please understand my claim: Playing games by itself, even obsessively (holla!) does not make you a loser, but when the only discernable aspect of your personality is your k/d ratio, homeslice might want to get some fresh air in the lungs.
Here are the criteria that make Portal 2 appear "smart" to your average neckbeard, criteria that they then hijack and use to reassure themselves that they are wonderful human beings, and it's
society that has the problem.
Doesn't Use Guns: There are no firearms in Portal 2, yet it is played from a first person view! This allows the critics and members of the insufferable "gaming community" to pretend they're somehow engaging in the apex of high art by coining the terms "first person puzzler." One new to the medium might not understand it, but there is indeed a sort of affirmative action grading curve policy at play for any title that "does something new," regardless of merit. You see, gamers love to pretend they are "enlightened" by spouting about how great something is just because it is different (and not as exciting as FPS 204591). I don't get the association, it's as stupid as it sounds. You know what else is "different?" Shit porn. Let's give it an honorable mention at least, whaddya say?
British: Portal 2 has the voice of Stephen Merchant! He's British and has an accent! Accents are cool and make you smart and girls like them, or so I hear! If I continue to ride Portal 2's dick, by extension (har), I'm cool and smart!
Simmons Factor: JK Simmons is in the game! I know him from other, arguably lesser mediums that are socially acceptable to make references to in polite company (girls). Maybe the next time I hear a girl talking about Juno, I can awkwardly start rambling about cakes and lies and companion cubes and she'll fall in love with me despite my body odor and we'll fall in love and cosplay at cons together and live happily ever after!
Song at the End: Portal 2 ostensibly has some kind of song at the end of the game, like Portal 1 before it, that nerds will run into the ground, gua-ran-teed, by the end of the year. "Still Alive" was a nice, clever way to end a game that - 1 year of references, parodies, mashups, Rock Band DLC, and live performances at cons later - became "that song" you would rather eat the business side of a dick-shaped gun than hear one note of ever again.
Nerds, aspies that they are, love to lock on to one or two aspects of their favorite title and Michael Vick the shit out of that puppy. Hence, Portal 2 will stay in the collective consciousness way past its natural expiration date.
House Odds: It's hard to say before we've finished it, but based on the early goings, we probably won't give Portal 2 the nod or a nomination. We probably wouldn't give Portal 2 a nod or nom, even if the fanbase weren't insufferable down to a man. We still like Valve and wait for Half Life Episode 3 and its full-fledged sequel like Christians waiting for rapture.
Mortal Kombat
Critics Say: A strong entry for the series and the genre, but half of them claim to like it ironically because Games Are Serious Now and Serious Games Journalists can't bring themselves to cop to liking a game where one scantily-clad ninja chick puts her 10-inch stiletto through another scantily clad ninja chick's windpipe.
We Say: The most enjoyable fighting game in history.
No, really.
Vegas Odds: Not a chance. It absolutely will take home some genre awards, but just as the Motion Picture Academy will never, ever give the top award to a comedy, Serious Game Journalists will never get over themselves long enough to give a fighting title GOTY, let alone one that is as unabashedly
not embarrassed about being a 13 year old's wet dream.
House Odds: Good! The first half of 2011 has given us precious little to fawn over, but even with the understanding that the release calendar is always back-loaded, Mortal Kombat has a good shot. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that as of the end of May, it is the top contender.
In fact, we can think of only one game yet released that comes close to giving Mortal Kombat a worthy challenger...
Bulletstorm
Critics Say: A fun, refreshingly brightly painted shooter loaded with interesting ways to frag. A few even admit to enjoying the story, though most will claim to do so with some level of irony. All of them bitch about the lack of multiplayer, because Game Journalists.
We Say: It's pretty much Doom for the Halo generation, which is a very good thing. The weapon selection system absolutely needs work, and the action - good as it is - doesn't quite "flow" as smoothly as you'd expect for a game that places heavy emphasis on big combos for big scores. None of these flaws can take away Bulletstorm's meaty action and surprisingly awesome story, headlined by one of the best new protagonists in recent memory.
Vegas Odds: Doubtful. At best, it will get a few nominations in the shooter category awards, but to award Bulletstorm GOTY, industry types would have to acknowledge how much they enjoyed the gameplay, story and main character in a game that the lot of them went out of their way to malign as a juvenile throwback. Additionally, the lack of a "true" multiplayer suite will absolutely preclude most of the establishment games press from riding Bulletstorm's dick too hard.
House Odds: At this point, we're calling it a contender. The competition gets pretty stiff in the second half of 2011, so we'll see if it makes it to finals. Regardless, we feel pretty safe in saying that at the very least, Bulletstorm's story is a very likely finalist for Best Game Writing.
GOTY 2011 Watch - Second Half:
House Favorites:
Rage
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Duke Nukem Forever
Uncharted 3
Industry Darlings
Modern Warfare 3
Battlefield 3
Gears of War 3
Elder Scrolls: Skyrim
Zelda: Skyward Sword
Metal Gear Solid: Rising
Dark Horses
Infamous 2
Tomb Raider
The Darkness II
Saints Row 3
Max Payne 3
Resistance 3
Silent Hill: Downpour
FEAR 3
Ghost Recon: Future Soldier
Batman: Arkham City
Long Shots:
Driver
Alice 2
Call of Juarez: The Cartel
Dead Island
Shadows of the Damned
Twisted Metal
